Things my mother told me

What did your mother say which you remember?

This comes from a discussion on a teacher website: INFET

"It is at times like this I wish I had listened to what my mother used to say."

"Why, what did she say?"

"I don't know. I didn't listen."

(Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

The earliest joke I can remember. (This dates me)

"Why do fascists wear black shirts?"

"Because they never wash their filthy necks."

She also used to say "there's a war on." to justify anything we couldn't have or to explain why we had to do as she said. I was born in 1951.

Chimera! wrote:

"If you break both your legs don't come running to me!"

and the enigmatic remark "If things don't alter

(.....long pause......)

they'll stop as they are."



Anyway there was a war on in 1951....there's always a war on....Korea I think.



Bad_Seed wrote:



When asked 'whats for dinner' it was always 'wait and see' every night we had wait and see for dinner.



plotter wrote:

"If he's the right man, you'll no be asking me if he's right."

"You really shouldn't eat sand from the sand pit"

deltafun wrote:

where should you eat sand from then?

Angua wrote:

Something like you would die if you had a bath when on your period was one of my mums. She was weird though.

untamedbeauty wrote:

Watch crossing the road.

Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about! (She never did though)

plotter

deltafun wrote:

where should you eat sand from then?



Dunno - never thought to ask that!

deltafun wrote:

Would seem important to me lol

One wonders why mums would not say "don`t eat sand". The specifics of it being from a sand pit would seem to be something of a Moot point.

Probably because I did eat sand from the sandpit when I was little.



spiz wrote:

Because cats crap in sand pits. For similar reasons, don't eat yellow snow.

Always thought my Mum was quite normal - it was Grandma (Dad's mum) that said things like, in response to "Why?", "That's for me to know, and for you to find out". er, yes, that's what I'm trying to do!

And her sister's favourite admonition was "Oh, go in and get your breakfast."

deltafun wrote:

One would think that eating sand was a very bad thing to do regardless of the cat crap content lol

Angua wrote:

My mum used to randomly tell me to 'get on with my knitting' if I was asking too many questions or being generally irritating.

She is very weird though.

plotter wrote:

I don't think sand will hurt you as such, but the potential for animal crap in sandpits is reasonably high.

Plus, I didn't eat sand from anywhere else, just the sandpit Laughing

buntycat wrote:

We also had "waitensee" for dinner. It took me years to realise that this exotic sounding meal was actually 3 separate words.

My poor old mum worked a lot harder than I do, for far less money and even though in retrospect, I can see that she was often stressed and a bit fed up, she always found time to tell us an anecdote or dispense some wisdom.

With all the arrogance of the young woman, who is better educated than her parents (at the expense of their retirement savings), I was always convinced that I'd be a far cooler adult and of course a much better parent. Of course, I have failed on both counts and have a lot more respect for her.

wordy wrote:

if i ever commented negatively about something, for example i remember once saying a woman's dress was a bit 'tarty', she would say 'tarty is as tarty does'. Actually when i think about it, it's a bit Sartrean isn't it? He always said it's not what you say you are but what you do that shows who you are.

Her really annoying one is, if i ever complain about the consequences of something i had done, eg had 3 kids, she says, 'well, you would have them, wouldn't you?'

Actually, now i think about it, i think she's well annoying.

user1951 wrote:

"Thunder is caused by the clouds banging together."

"If you go out in the rain you will catch a cold."

"If the wind changes your face will be stuck like that."

(Of course a lot of things my mother said were perfectly sensible, "Never trust a Tory." "Don't put your hand in there." and "Those aren't her own!")

luvinit wrote:

We used to have wigwam and diddledams for tea...where did that come from?

Mum used to say she would put a brick on my head to stop me growing (cried for days), that there was only so much noise in the world and if i wasn't quiet she would have to kill my music box to stop me losing my voice before christmas, if you bit your fingernails you'd bleed to death when they ripped your stomach apart, children who didn't do the washingup would go to hell....I could go on...I have developed a very healthy distrust of all things my mother says.

Angua wrote:

They fuck you up your mum and dad . . .

Wink

'Keep away from men.

ha bloody ha.

Lots of stuff I never listened to and still don't (stuff like line your kitchen cupboards with kitchen roll).

A very effective piece of advice I received was from my more than anything else absent father:

Don't bite your nails, if you do pigs' trotters grow out of your nose.

I have never bitten my nails.

And from my Scotts Granddaddy....never ever give in, never ever give up.

And I never have. He is a wise old laddie.

user1951 wrote:

"They tuck you up your mum and dad." was the version I heard. Don't tell me it was bowdlerised Wink

And masturbation makes you deaf.

Eh?

Actually I think that one is catching up with me now.