All Your Stories Anthology June 2025

All of the stories in this volume are entertaining. I would like to make a special mention of Linda Hibbin. Her work is very amusing and reminded me of school dinners - not necessarily in a good way. Her writing captures both the nature of school dinners and the humour of children who had no choice but to eat them.
And at the same time, it shows the way that adults talk to children and do not necessarily tell the exact truth about the past.

The other stories are well worth a look, especially mine obvs!

An Invitation

An invitation

#worthingflash is an online blog run by Durrington writer Derek McMillan with the assistance of 100 other writers. You could become one!

The original aim was to encourage flash fiction in Worthing. Writers from all over the world have now taken part.

There is a competition for 100-word stories which are published in September on http://worthingflash.blogspot.com and the prize will be Derek's new book "The Pernicious Snood" which is also due for publication in September.

The maximum length in other months is 1000 words and many stories are a lot shorter. If you want to get an idea of the kind of stories accepted have a look at the blog. You can Google worthingflash or say "Alexa, find worthing flash" if you prefer.

Over 100,000 people have visited the blog so your writing will have a large audience.

All stories should be sent to worthingflash@gmail.com

All writers are volunteers. It costs nothing to submit but the reward is kudos not cash.

Lady Susan

This is a very amusing and very short story. The epistolatory novel is not in fashion. In fact, towards the end, it ceases to be a collection of letters with the author summarising the situation.

The book was not published in Jane Austen's lifetime. It lacks to subtlety of her later works. It could almost be rough notes for a Jane Austen novel.

Lady Susan is a distinctly awful person. I can think of very few Jane Austen characters who are so venal.

However, I did enjoy reading it.

Flash Phantoms

Click here

Becky Cooper's letter to David Lammy

If one MP can draw attention to the situation in Gaza, so can others.

Grammarly sucks

Publishers are averse to the use of Artificial Intelligence.

The piece of Artificial Stupidity which I find most annoying is Grammarly. It started out as a way of correcting grammar. It then decided it would write my stories better than I could. Anything I could do, Grammarly could do better.

Take any piece of poetry or prose and subject it to the Grammarly treatment and you will see what I mean. All of the major speeches in Shakespeare are all wrong and Grammarly could improve on them. It could do the same to Jane Austen and Charles Dickens.

Or you could just delete the pompous smug app and have done with it.

Introduction to "The Pernicious Snood"

We police an area known as Scoresdale. It includes the villages of Scoresdale, Scoresdale West, Sodbury and Lower Sodbury. The surrounding area is mainly populated by sheep who do not cause us much trouble.

Scoresdale has been refused permission to call itself "Scoresdale by Sea." Presumably the English Channel is invisible to the County Council.

Colin Burgos is a constable who has been plagued by teasing about his illiteracy. He now reads everything that comes his way and provides us all with an exegesis whether we ask for it or not.

Clare Turner is another constable who is based in Nether Sodbury. Whereas Colin is not keen for promotion I can see Claire passing the Sergeant's exam and taking my job one day.

The other member of the team is Community Support Officer Francis Skinner who has a dislike of being called Frank. He is older than all of us and has a lot of experience in the RAF regiment which is like the military police.

I was unable to join the RAF because I failed the medical due to colour-blindness. I am also incapable of reading a map which would not have helped.

The politicians in their infinite wisdom have cut the regional crime squad over and over again until it was reduced to three men and a dog. Then the dog died. The three men don't look too well either. The practical result of this is that however serious the crime is, it is up to us to deal with it.

The Perncious Snood is about how we go about it.

Sergeant Chris Morgan

(Fictional character)

Agatha Crusty and the Health Spa Murders

Agatha Crusty and the Health Spa Murders is a very funny production by the Durrington Theatrical Society. It was a thoroughly enjoyable evening.

The title role of Agatha Crusty was played by Pam Stringer. Not only a novelist but an amateur detective, she ultimately solves the mystery. When she then tries to sell her books to the other residents they make an excuse and leave.

The professional (D I S Aster as he is known, played by Robin Ferguson) is no match for her but he does have some of the funnier lines.

Special mention should go to Dominic Webster who excels in the role of Paval Popovsky with his idiot's guide to English and some of the funniest lines in the play. The things he can do with a birch twig are remarkable but all take place offstage.

I have no intention of telling you "whodunnit". You will have to watch it for yourself.

Parody of 1984

It was a wet day in April and for Winston Smith the clocks had just stopped. He sat in a cell with a massive poster ‘Big Donald is watching you’.
His lover, Julia, was in the women’s wing of the Ministry of Love.
A guard interrupted his reverie.
‘Smith. Room 101.’
Room 101 is the worst thing in the world.
‘Either surrender or you will be sentenced to lunch with Richard Branson forever.’
‘Do it to Julia,’ said Winston wearily.

The end. 

Corporate Severance

"Forget about everything else and concentrate on your job." This has been the mantra of bullying bosses right back to Egyptian slavedrivers.

The Sci Fi black comedy "Severance" imagines a world in which this has been taken one step further by corporate America.

Employees are surgically prevented from thinking about the outside world by the implantation of chips. You can imagine the likes of Elon Musk salivating about the very idea.

The TV series explores many of the implications of this. The "innies" have completely separate lives from their "outies" and the conflicts between the two are sometimes tragic. sometimes comic and sometimes both. In one episode an "outie" is tempted back to working as an "innie" with a pineapple!

The lives of the innies are Hell. Any deviation is punished in the "break room" where employees are "broken" by psychological torture.

The break room also makes use of the discredited "science" of the lie-detector. The Sci Fi author Frank Herbert explained fifty years ago that a lie-detector can be circumvented by anyone who genuinely believes the lie to be the truth!

The founder of the company is worshipped as a God. You can imagine that Bezos and Gates would love that idea.

The acting is superb and has won awards for all the main characters.

Socialists will enjoy this series.

Smiert spionam

Smiert spionam "Death to spies" is referred to as SMERSH in the James Bond novels. Mick Herron has more characters with interesting backgrounds and 100% more humour than Ian Fleming.

Jackson Lamb is a nightmare boss or a nightmare teacher for that matter but his character is portrayed with humour.

The Rodster, Roddy Ho is everybody's least favourite nerd.

River Cartwright has an interesting family background and ended up in the Slough of Despond because a friend stabbed him metaphorically in the back.

There is a thoroughly corrupt politician and any resemblance to Boris Johnson is purely for satirical purposes.

Other characters are quirky and oddly sympathetic.

The books provide more background than the TV series which is also excellent.

Pack of Lies

Findon Amateur Dramatic Society have produced a play about events in 1961 which is eerily topical since it deals with Russian spies.

The story concerns the Russian spy Gordon Lonsdale. Londsdale always insisted that his collaborators who went by the names Helen and Peter Kroger were innocent dupes. This does not explain why they had a short-wave radio and code books. Helen Kroger, real name Lona Cohen was a major in the KGB.

The story focuses on the Jackson family who were friends and neighbours of the Krogers for five years and never suspected their secret life. Barbara Jackson (played brilliantly by Sue Borroughs) is a close friend of Helen (played equally brilliantly by Lena Grinsted) and is forced to lie to her.

The MI5 officer (played by Simon Weston) gives Barbara too much information. It is probable that MI5 would have had a cover story to encourage the surveillance of the neighbours but in the play, the truth is revealed bit by bit.

Overall this is an excellent play and the Findon Dramatic Society do not look like Amateurs at all.

Mobile Phones in Schools

I worked for years at a school which banned mobile phones. Schools do not have to wait for the pusillanimous politicians to catch up. They can ban mobile phones and put the politicians to shame.

Personally, I think they should.

It would reduce the hours students spend on social media. It would put a stop to bullying by text (at least during school hours). It would enable pupils to concentrate and - God forbid - actually talk to each other!

Today on eBay

433 items sold means slightly more than 433 books because memory sticks can hold more than one book

Click here

Death Agony of Capitalism

 "The Death Agony of Capitalism and the Tasks of the Fourth International is also known as "The Transitional Program". The purpose of an audio version is to make it accessible to a wider audience. It has been tested with Windows and Linux.

In exile from Stalin's Russia, Trotsky sought to create a worldwide socialist organisation. This founding statement explains why and explains the concept of a transitional program to take the movement forward.

Trotsky's supporters were hounded and murdered by Stalin's agents. Yet thousands of communists left Stalinist parties to rally behind Trotsky and his ideas.

Various organisations claim to continue the tradition on the Fourth International.

A good test would be to compare their program with the transitional program. Do they slavishly copy each detail whether appropriate or not; have they abandoned it altogether; or do they follow the method and the spirit of the Transitional Program adapted properly to the current century? The Committee for a Workers International I can be contacted at the website https://www.socialistworld.net/

Click here 

Solid Gold Toilet

The alleged theft of a solid gold toilet from Blenheim Palace suggests a very appropriate coat of arms for the royal family.

They are as useful as a solid gold toilet. 

Les Miserables

The Connaught Cinema had a live recording of "Les Miserables. The Staged Concert" starring Michael Ball as the police officer Javert, Alfie Boe as the escaped convict Jean Valjean and Matt Lucas as the comic innkeeper Thenadier

The film version is available all over the country and not confined to those who can afford to go to a theatre in London.

The story, based on a two-volume 19th Century novel by Victor Hugo is not miserable at all because it contains within it a message of hope that things can be changed.

It is worth comparing the revolutionaries in Les Miserables with those other revolutionaries in a 19th-Century novel – the bloodstained monsters depicted in Dickens’ “A Tale of Two Cities.” Although the revolution of 1830 was defeated, Victor Hugo sees the revolutionaries as human beings and evokes sympathy for the cause for which they are fighting.

To say it is a revolutionary film would be pushing it. It is a film about revolution and about the appalling injustices of society but the message is about individual salvation through love.

The central character, Jean Valjean, is imprisoned for five years for stealing a loaf of bread, then another 14 for trying to escape (not an exaggeration of the penal code of the period). On release he is condemned to carry a yellow passport – an ID card which is as effective as a brand. Even outside the prison, he is not free.

A priest  seeks to redeem him with an act of kindness and (without retelling the whole story) the narrative rests on the consequences of that act of kindness.

Perhaps the most shocking aspect of the original story is the casting of a policeman, a perfectly respectable upholder of the law with no sympathy for the poor, as a villain. We are accustomed to seeing “crooked cops” but Javert isn’t crooked; he is as straight as he can be according to his lights. He simply enforces an unjust law because it is not his place to change it.

The most powerful scenes involve the street fighting in Paris during the 1830 revolution and the idealism of students and young people who are depicted as simply and selflessly fighting for the poor of their own city.

“Do you hear the people sing?

Singing a song of angry men?

It is the music of a people

Who will not be slaves again!

When the beating of your heart

Echoes the beating of the drums

There is a life about to start

When tomorrow comes!”

Without the music the words give you some idea of the emotions stirred by the powerful song. I am aware that people talk cynically about “not a dry eye in the house” but it really is an accurate description of how people in the audience respond to this.

In the final scene the selflessness is rewarded when, with Les Miserables, they ascend to heaven. Dickens, for all his compassion, would have had them going to the other place!

The same songs are repeated with a different emphasis at different times in the film but the message of what happens when society offers no future to the poorest members of the community could not be clearer. We really will all be in it together!

“At the end of the day there's another day dawning

And the sun in the morning is waiting to rise

Like the waves crash on the sand

Like a storm that'll break any second

There's a hunger in the land

There's a reckoning still to be reckoned and

There's gonna be hell to pay

At the end of the day!” 

The Importance of Being Earnest

The National Theatre's latest production of "The Importance of Being Earnest" was shown in the Connaught Theatre.

It is very appropriate for Worthing because the main character is called "Worthing" for reasons which become apparent and indeed the play was written by Oscar Wilde in Worthing.

It is remarkable that Wilde was able to persuade Victorians to flock to a play which ridicules the predominant values in Victorian society and in particular the class system. This is still relevant today when the privileged one percent consider themselves superior to the 99 percent.

The way Wilde did this was with wicked humour and this production makes the most of it.

Sharon D Clarke's Lady Bracknell was a brilliant example of snobbery - a snobbery which was ameliorated by the chance for her nephew "to marry 130,000 pounds."

Ncuti Gatwa was possibly the most camp Algernon Moncrieff in history but the character was true to the intentions of the play to produce "A Trivial Comedy for Serious People".

Hugh Skinner's Jack Worthing was equally outrageous.

In fact, the whole cast kept the audience in stitches.

This is well worth a visit and a lot cheaper than visiting a theatre in London.

Comedians

Trump has derided Zelensky as a "comedian turned politician". Is that better than a politician turned comedian, Mr Trump?"

"Idioter and idioter" said Alice

Flash Essay on Flash Fiction

"Idioter" is a portmanteau word combining "editor" and "idiot". I can reveal that my editor is sensitive and intelligent but there are some idioters out there.

A totalising narrative used by many editors is the idea that a story should "show and not tell". This is a good description of a certain type of writing. Writers use direct speech and action sequences to tell the story. To apply this to all writing is the action of a jackass.

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a young man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife." Editors would reject Jane Austen

"It was a bright cold day in April and the clock was just striking thirteen" They wouldn't have Orwell either.

"“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.” And as for Dickens..

Mr McMillan, Thank you for the opportunity to read your work. Our Editorial Policy is that stories should "show" and not "tell" so your story has been rejected at this time.

Dear Editor, Have you considered sticking your Editorial Policy up where the sun doesn't shine? I can "show" you. #flashfiction #fiction #editor

This has been submitted to the Dribble Drabble Review.

Safe nuclear power

The new Labour plan for green nuclear power which overrides any local objections to a Windscale on your doorstep is very interesting. I wonder how many nuclear power stations will actually be built in Keir Starmer's constituency.

Nuclear power stations produce the elements necessary for nuclear weapons. Thank heavens Chernobyl proved how safe they are. 

Trump's plan to Seize the Gaza strip

The Guardian coverage of this statement is here.

Trump justified this madcap scheme by saying, "“The only reason the Palestinians want to go back to Gaza is they have no alternative,” the president told a joint press conference with the Israeli prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, at the White House on Tuesday evening. “It’s right now a demolition site. This is just a demolition site. Virtually every building is down.”

He was sitting next to Netanyahu, the person responsible for this state of affairs but he does not do irony.

It is as though Trump's advisers told him the worst thing he could possibly say and he went and said it. Most commentators draw attention to the fact that the details are vague which suggests Trump did not mean this but that it was a negotiating position.
"Tobogganing with eyes closed towards catastrophe," is the phrase Trotsky used and it seems apt.

Quis Custodet

The new Ofsted scheme of assessment raises the obvious question, who inspects the inspectors?

I would suggest that teachers would be best placed.

As a former teacher, I could contribute a few comments about the clowns who inspected my lessons!

Only one OFSTED inspector gained any respect. She had the chutzpah to teach a lesson with members of staff observing her work. None of the others had the courage. 

Tom Lehrer

Tom Lehrer claimed he was a victim of "nominal determinism". Lehrer means "teacher" and for many years he was a teacher of 'applications of mathematics to the social sciences" and other topics.

 
However, he had another talent, in the 1960s and 1970s he produced a number of quirky or satirical songs. Initially, he self-published but gradually won a mass audience.

His songs are a crash course in irony. This was underscored by his use of "Gilbertian" rhymes. In other words, he tortured words in order to make them fit the song whether they liked it or not.

Tom Lehrer was a white liberal rather than a Socialist but Socialists will enjoy many of his songs.

An example is his hymn to "universal bereavement".

"When you attend a funeral
It is sad to think that sooner or l-
ater those you love will do the same for you.

And you may have thought it tragic
Not to mention other adjec-
tives to think of all the weeping they will do

But don't you worry,
No more ashes
No more sackcloth
And an armband made of black cloth
will someday never more adorn a sleeve

For if the bomb that drops on you
Gets your friends and neighbours too,
There'll be nobody left behind to grieve

And we will all go together when we go
All suffused with an incandescent glow
Universal bereavement
An inspiring achievement
Yes, we all will go together when we go.

He followed this up with "So long mom, I'm off to drop the bomb" and a song about Werner Von Braun, the Nazi employed by American imperialism to develop nuclear missiles. 

Another song is about America's number one instrument of diplomacy

When someone makes a move
Of which we don't approve
Who is it who always intervenes?
UN and OAS
They have their place I guess
But first
Send the Marines
For might makes right
Until they've seen the light
They've got to be protected
All their rights respected
Till somebody we like can be elected!

His song about vivisection, based on a true story, "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" was released as a popular single in the UK and the flip side was a parody of the passionate or fiery variety of  love song "The Masochism Tango".

He never claimed that his songs would change minds about the bomb or cruelty to animals but they bolstered the beliefs of those who were already opposed. 

And they were great fun, albeit the humour was rather dark as I have attempted to show. 

Australia Quiz Answers

Australia Quiz Answers

1 Mr James was a famous comedian. What was his first name?
a Canberra b Sydney c Melbourne

2 What is the capital of Australia?

a Canberra b Sydney c Melbourne

3 What is the capital of Victoria?
a Canberra b Sydney c Melbourne

4 Tasmania is a country?
True or False

5 New Zealand is a country?
True or False

6 How many islands are there in New Zealand?
a 2 b 60 c 600

7 How many kangaroos are there in Australia?
a a million b 100 million c 50 million

8 Which city hosted the Summer Olympics in 1956?
a Melbourne b Brisbane c Perth

9 Australia means?
a Southern Land b God's Own Country c Prison

10 Which animal carries its young in a pouch?
a kangaroo b bush baby c sheep

11 Which uniquely Australian animal lays eggs?
a Platypus b bush baby c sheep

12 The capital of the Northern Territory is?
a Darwin b Spencer c Alice Springs

13 What is a dingo?
a a wild dog b a pudding c a state

14 Who was Waltzing in the song?
a James b Charlie c Matilda

15 Where did the swagman drown in the same song?
a Tasman Sea b Pacific Ocean c a billabong

16 What is another name for Australia?
a Over There b Down Under c Southern Paradise

17 Which animal is not a native of Australia?
a platypus b lion c Koala

18 In which Australian city would you find the Opera House?
a Canberra b Sydney c Melbourne

19 If it's Christmas in Australia, what season is it?
a Summer b Autumn c Winter

20 What does a koala like to eat?
a eucalyptus leaves b other koalas c insects

Australia Quiz

(Answers tomorrow)

Australia Quiz

1 Mr James was a famous comedian. What was his first name?

a Canberra b Sydney c Melbourne

2 What is the capital of Australia?

a Canberra b Sydney c Melbourne

3 What is the capital of Victoria?

a Canberra b Sydney c Melbourne

4 Tasmania is a country?

True or False

5 New Zealand is a country?

True or False

6 How many islands are there in New Zealand?

a 2 b 60 c 600

7 How many kangaroos are there in Australia?

a a million b 100 million c 50 million

8 Which city hosted the Summer Olympics in 1956?

a Melbourne b Brisbane c Perth

9 Australia means?

a Southern Land b God's Own Country c Prison

10 Which animal carries its young in a pouch?

a kangaroo b bush baby c sheep

11 Which uniquely Australian animal lays eggs?

a Platypus b bush baby c sheep

12 The capital of the Northern Territory is?

a Darwin b Spencer c Alice Springs

13 What is a dingo?

a a wild dog b a pudding c a state

14 Who was Waltzing in the song?

a James b Charlie c Matilda

15 Where did the swagman drown in the same song?

a Tasman Sea b Pacific Ocean c a billabong

16 What is another name for Australia?

a Over There b Down Under c Southern Paradise

17 Which animal is not a native of Australia?

a platypus b lion c Koala

18 In which Australian city would you find the Opera House?

a Canberra b Sydney c Melbourne

19 If it's Christmas in Australia, what season is it?

a Summer b Autumn c Winter

20 What does a koala like to eat?

a eucalyptus leaves b other koalas c insects

Everyday Fiction

https://everydayfiction.com/the-broken-nutcracker-by-derek-mcmillan/

According to Wikipedia:

Every Day Fiction (ISSN 1918-1000) is a Canadian flash fiction magazine founded in 2007 and published by Every Day Publishing Ltd. It is typically published on a daily schedule.

Every Day Fiction publishes flash fiction stories of all genres, and podcasts stories that have a high level of appeal with their readers. Additionally, they have published multiple Best of Every Day Fiction anthologies consisting of the 100 best stories appearing in the magazine for their respective years. In part because of its relatively large audience, EDF has placed highly in the Preditors & Editors Readers Choice Poll and in 2010 Shaun Simon's story "Snowman" won 1st place in its category.

Or to put it another way, it is a very good place to get published. Also, they pay!

Feedback on ebay

EBay does provide feedback from readers of ‘Murder from Beyond the Grave’. This is quite gratifying. 

The Pernicious Snood

Aloysius Snood rang us.

"I wish to make a complaint."

"Yes Sir."

"Some young hooligans have been throwing stones at my house."

"We will send a constable to take a statement. If you could just give me your name and address."

"Aloysius Snood. 5 Tree Hollow, Scoresdale."

"Sorry, could you repeat your name."

He did so and then spelt it out.

"Thank you, sir."

I decided to accompany Constable Burgos for this call. I took a copy of the local newspaper with me.

He gave us the details of the attack on his house and scant information about the young hooligans responsible.

"You will remember the story in the paper that some paediatricians had been attacked because Sun readers thought they were 'Paedos'?" I asked.

"Yes of course, I'm not a paediatrician, Sergeant," said Mr Snood.

I showed him the local newspaper.

"The Pernicious Snood Strikes Again" was the headline.

"I am sorry to say that the Pernicious Snood is a newspaper title awarded to a criminal so far identified only by the fact that he always wears a black snood. If we can't identify the youngsters involved, Constable Burgos has a 

suggestion about putting the message out."

This was news to Constable Burgos, so I continued, "He will be giving a talk to the local secondary school assemblies and explaining what a snood is and that it has no connection with anyone (we won't mention you) with that surname.. If that does not work we will consider other measures."

"The young hooligans will be punished?"

"As soon as we find them."

I left it on that note. The constable and I both knew it was unlikely that we could find them without a better description

The first reported crime by the Pernicious Snood seemed a minor one, It was a theft from an ironmongers shop. Various items were stolen including a carving knife.

It was when the carving knife was used to attack a pensioner late at night that things took a turn for the worse. The wound was serious and the pensioner, a Mr Davies, was rushed to hospital.

The only description he gave of his attacker was a man of medium height who was dressed in grey and wearing a black snood which effectively disguised his appearance while making him conspicuous.

That was when he earned his soubriquet from the press.

PC Clare Turner had interviewed the ironmonger, appropriately enough a Mr Smith

I read the transcript.

"It really is just not good enough. I have been burgled. We do not expect that kind of thing, you know, Missy."

I could detect Clare's hostility at being talked about in a demeaning fashion. 

Her questions were very very polite.

"When did the burglary take place?"

"I don't know. I expect the police to detect crime you know."

"When did you notice the items missing?"

"This morning of course."

"Was the burglar alarm set off?"

"No I don't have a burglar alarm. The police are supposed to do that. We had bobbies on the beat in the old days."

A neighbouring shop had a working CCTV and that is where the Pernicious Snood was photographed. The snood very effectively prevented identification.

A fingertip search of the area found a cigarette packet, a train ticket and the fret from a violin. None of these were related to the crime. 

‘This never happens to Sherlock,’ Colin Burgos complained. 

Clare just shrugged. 

The pensioner, Mr Davies, was interviewed by Constable Burgos when he was discharged from hospital. He added one thing to his story and it was rather unusual.

His assailant apparently said, "I'm gonna stab yer, mate."

Mr Davies would not be drawn on what kind of accent he had. He was at a loss to explain why someone who stabbed him called him 'mate'. However he stuck to his story despite its improbability.

Within twenty four hours there was another attack. This time the victim was a Mrs Black and she did not survive the trip in the ambulance. The paramedics reported her final remark to them which was "He called me darlin’'"

Constable Burgos has no ambitions to become a sergeant, although he wouldn't mind the salary. He likes things just the way they are and as a sergeant he would probably be moved from Scoresdale where he has made his home.

"Listen to this," is usually the way he brings the results of his reading to us. 

This time it was a social media post.

"Pensioners are just a burden on the public purse and the health services. 

If there were fewer of them, the country would save money. It is in their own best interests to cut down their numbers. Do not resuscitate any of them."

"Some politician?" 

"No. I asked the boffins and they said the poor fool wasn't disguising his IP address and he had used the local library..." Constable Burgos responded.

He paused.

"The Scoresdale Library is currently closed for refurbishments or we might catch the blighter."

"Which blighter is that?" asked Clare.

"It is initialed TPS."

He added "The Pernicious Snood," in case we hadn't got the point.

So far, TPS had confined his attacks to Scoresdale. We guessed that he didn’t have a car.

There are twelve care homes in Scoresdale. It would be very hit and miss for us to cover all of them but PC Claire Turner came up with an idea.

She quite happily visited all the care homes and warned them to increase their security. 

"For most of them that is increasing their security from nothing, locking a few doors for example."

"And, " she added, "he is more likely to target old people living alone like the previous two victims."

The Scoresdale Advertiser had a presumably rhetorical headline, "The Pernicious Snood. What Are The Police Doing"?

"Any suggestions welcome," was Colin Burgos's response.

"Neighbourhood Watch" has never had any takers in Scoresdale Village so without using the words "Neighbourhood Watch" we put out leaflets asking 

neighbours to report any suspicious activity and to keep an eye on elderly neighbours. The local scouts distributed them for us.

The two victims, as Clare mentioned, were living alone and in streets about a mile and a half apart.

Constable Burgos painstakingly produced a map of the village with the locations of elderly residents marked in red. 

Every time we looked at it we reflected on how many there were and calculated the odds of us being able to protect them.

In the end it was pure chance. TPS operated under cover of darkness and with the addition of the eponymous snood he was hard to see. The street lights in Scoresdale were notoriously bad. A Mr Parkin was driving home from a party and we would normally have said "without due care and 

attention."

He said that he did not see TPS until it was far too late. Both of his legs were broken so making a run for it was not really an option.

Not only had he failed to disguise his IP address, he even went out on his murderous expeditions carrying his driving licence. He was a Mr Francis apparently.

Constable Burgos read his social media posts to him.

"Well, old people are a burden on society."

"And that justifies you attacking them with a knife?"

"It is for their own good. The government certainly don't want them and they ought to thank me for doing my bit to reduce the problem."

‘How old are you, Mr Francis?’

‘Sixty three.’

The End

I wrote this after the politicians decided on ‘assisted dying’. One reader suggested a certain politician as a shoe-in for the Pernicious Snood.